Regrets

Regrets

Tenderness never suited me all that well.

I kind of always turned too bitter.

Lemon-y and sour for good.

And your touch never suited me all that well.

I kind of always turned back to him.

No matter how many times he pushed me away.

And my eyes never suited me all that well.

I kind of always gave myself away.

Even when I knew much better.

And life gives you what you got and takes what it gives and leaves you wishing you had something more. So the things that never suited me became what I got and now I'm wishing you would kneel down at my door.

Coins

Coins

There is a part of us.

Looming and hovering in the shadows of our hearts.

That provides shelter to all our horrors.

All the sickness that thrives inside us.

All our humanity resides there.

Photographable like ghosts,

But reflection-less like vampires.

Piles of rot are stinking up out chest.

The hollow cavity,

Makes metal noises,

Like the sound of poured gold coins

Ka-chinking around in your ribcage.

And the only way we show this side,

To the awareness of other human eyes.

Is to regurgitate this rotting pit of acid,

Onto their new Express sweaters.

Cloud Woman

Cloud Woman

Professionally Stylized Video Chat.

Amanda And Hailey Style.

Ant Farm

Ant Farm

I've imagined you a thousand times.

Slipping in and out of my life.

From dream to dream.

From memory to memory.

I've imagined us on bridges and river banks.

And apartments and hospitals.

Doing drugs and getting love.

Smoking cigs just you and me, talking bout important stuff.

But in the end its all you are. A figment of my imagination.

Your touch, your kiss, your voice, your lips, are not really yours at all.

And I can see you falling part in every nightmare.

Oozing out of skin.

As cockroaches drop from your eyes sockets and worms crawl out from your toes. 

And suddenly you burst to a giant swarm of ants and you eat me away to my core.

Just nibbling and biting and sucking away at every inch of me there's left to chew.

Wolves

Wolves

I'm sick of being "loved" and left.

"Someday my pain

Someday my pain will mark you

Harness your blame

Harness your blame, walk through"

Eww

Eww

I've been seeing everyone differently now. 

I've been seeing every flaw in them.

Every dent, carved from the good inside them.

Every little nuisance and annoyance.

Every phony word.

Every time they talk my head begins to hurt. 

It makes me want to vomit. 

Maybe on them a little. 

Like every word that is ever even spoken by them is what they think will make them cool. Like every action is how they want to act and not actually who they are. Like every time they dye their hair, or change their accent or get new friends, they're just reeking of impostor intentions.

I miss bright eyed people, with unspoiled intentions.

I miss people who see a world of hidden beauty.

I miss people who couldn't hide their true soul.

I miss people who could leave a piece of themselves inside me.

I miss people who are worth missing.

I'm sick of these phonies who are drowning in their own self pity and teenage angst.

Get In The Car

Get In The Car

Looking back on us, I think it was inevitable that we would end up bitter and reeling from the disappointment of everything that was gold that turned gray. All the potential we had, stored up inside us waiting to be made right only wronged over and over again. Everything that made us anything was too outweighed by deceit and confrontation to ever have been something beautiful. I see that now, but she doesn't. You told me your concerned, about changing her. Making her more like you. 

Well you should be.