Smiles And Smokes

Smiles And Smokes

Smoking butts in auto-shop.
Painting rocks on that hilltop.

Reminiscing on days when it was good.

Driving slow, drunk as hell,
But were just kids, don't know you well.

I guess a seat belt was a great idea.

And you may try and and get it up.
Smudging all of my makeup.

Trying hard just to play it cool.

Driving home, window down low.
Smoking cigs, telling me not to go.

We both know now it wasn't the alcoholic.

Sloppy

Sloppy

I'm sick of walking around half dead.

Like the parts of me.

The deepest crevasses of my soul are sleeping.

And all that is conscious is this hollow shell.

This shell that's made of flesh and bone and neatly packages by canvas-like skin, that's been stretches way too tight across way too large of a frame. I want to genuinely feel something. Not anger, or emptiness. I want to hug my mother and tell her I love her. And i want to make my bed just to make my father happy. I don't want to turn around one day and realize that they're gone and all this time I spent dwelling in my own self anger and teenage angst, I could have spent with them. Food shopping with my mother or letting my dad show me how to use photo shop. 

I could have everything in the world and I still would have nothing without my family.

Sketchy

Sketchy

A series of new sketches done on telephone book paper.

Hungry

Hungry

When I hummed you my insides out.

You took my liver and my spleen and held them to your chest.

You said it was so,

"The deepest parts of me could hear your heartbeat."

And for a few moments your heart beat sounded like the ocean.

The lapping waves crashing against your chest.

And when you sang my spleen back inside of me,

Your heartbeat went in with it.

And now all I can hear are lapping waves and hermit crabs,

Working away at my brain,

Chiseling down my appetite for anything else but you.

Hungry always for your skin on mine,

Your touch on me,

Your eyes on me.

Choices

Choices

Would you rather be fucked by a cactus or Ron Jeremy?

I'm thinking the cactus.

REM Sleep

REM Sleep

Dreamcatcher,

Catch me a dream.

Throw me in the ocean,

and pull me out to see.

Run it through my brain,

And scar it on my heart.

Burn it on my mind,

So I can feel it in the dark.

Build me a temple,

Buy me a church,

Kill me a cowboy,

Make me a purse.

Create a world around me,

Glittering with gold.

All the riches in world,

That only I can behold.

Death Scream

Death Scream

It's coming.

Death is pacing in my head.

Back and forth at the doctors offices.

And in those hotel rooms.

And even in your arms.

Like it is becoming stronger and stronger.

Feeding on the weakness of my mind.

The hallucinations of happiness.

The satisfaction of sex.

Every filthy cigarette,

Drugging me into submission.

Filling my brain with buzzed bliss.

Numbing the world which is slowly consuming the raw flesh of every square inch of my. The bone and muscle and pulsation cartilage of this weak and vile, pathetic excuse for a free-thinking human. My ear piercings scream phony to even the night walking whores and money greedy pimps of every dirty poor city. I was given a gift, for which i have misused in every sense possible.

Sleepyhead

Sleepyhead

Your smoke travels inside you_

Slowly makes it's way down your trachea.

Creeping into your lungs.

Iron and coal lungs.

Scarred and tarred.

And you smile like everything was made to be alright.

Like you were born to maybe die.

And you forgave God a long time ago.

There's always that tinge of sadness in your skin.

And sickening  times on your sleeves.

Hookup

Hookup

If trying to salvage the last few stale crumbs of self integrity means submitting to the laws imposed by society on the way women should behave and what morals they should follow; Then I will not pretend that believe In these principles and these morals, these strong standing beliefs when it comes to sex and relationships, because I don't. Perhaps I have been disgusted mostly by the subject of gender labeling; "6 girls? Your the man dude"//v.s.// "6 girls? Your a slut girl" 

From now on I've decided that I am unwilling to fake pretentious morals merely for the sake of my reputation. Would any man? Would any man fake not wanting to sleep with a gorgeous woman because of what his friends or others might say or think of him? No, he would flaunt it like a crude masculine pig. Why should I pretend any differently?

Continuation

Continuation

In the process of adding hair. Im think short, possibly bald?

You Again

You Again

You always made me sick in a good way.

Like butterflies were eating away at my insides.

Like my brain was overloaded by your smile.

That phony accent and that cheap tattoo.

Smiles and smokes I called you.

Now I can feel that sickness.

Creeping up into me.

Not in a good way.

Shadow Creature

Shadow Creature

I'm awake while your asleep. I creep behind that shadow you cast on the wall beside your bed. I sneak inside her eyes while she searches every crevice of your body for some hint of warmth. I exist it that heart of yours that stalled out on you that winter right before spring. Im the black tar that clings to your lungs after every last pack of menthols that slit your lungs and bleed you dry. I'm that hideous noise your dishwasher makes. I'm that leak in your kitchen sink. I'm everywhere and nowhere, always on your mind, never on your brain. A constant memory to that day. The one where you lost me for good.

Lets Laugh

Lets Laugh

Valerie Hegarty Is...

Valerie Hegarty Is...

Brilliant.

Her artwork is intuitive, ingenious, and well... decaying.

Puppies

Puppies

Smelly Summer fell asleep on my lap today.

Princess Bella after her bath.

Artwork By Moi

Artwork By Moi

A Work In Progress

Conocer

Conocer

There is a certain point.

On the tip of a blade.

On the edge of reason.

Where everything snaps.

Or shatters,

Or splinters.

And the things we think we know are certain and never changing throw us for a loop. They confuse and toy with us. And leave us to believe that nothing is as we think it is. That everything and everyone is not to be trusted. It leave us weak, constantly fearing that one day the cement which we rely so heavily on will disintegrate beneath us and we will fall through the center of the earth, onto a whole new world of uncertainty.

Nuclear

Nuclear

"When I saw her and the Yankees lost to the Braves 
Sentimental geek 
Shut up and go to sleep"

Blow.

Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow. Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Blow.Blow.Blow.Blow.

Is overrated.

Filthy

Filthy

The way you fit. Into the crevasses of my body, the niches of my life. The way I was engineered to sit in between your legs, with your arms wrapped around me, and your lips on my neck. The way our fingers link each others with out the slightest hesitation. The way it was almost as if someone had planned on me loving you. And it's almost as if something was missing.  Like I was meant to love you, but not born to love you. Like true love is lying in the darkest shadows of each verminous ally or blackened bar, as we walk, hands around my waist, to the beach. It's like true love  could only lie in the eyes of another, and I could only love in the arms of another.

Another One Bites The Dust

Another One Bites The Dust

You always sort of took to me,

Like a blood transfusion gone awry.

Like soupy ice-cream on a hot day.

Like a broken heel or nail or heart.

Like a tiny beetle floating dead on the surface of my pool.

Like your hypocritical, condescending, miraculously fake tattoo.

Like you. Just fake and fucking full of shit.

Not smiles and smokes.

Just shit and smokes.